5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs from You Right Now

She calls your name in prayer every night before attempting to sleep. She lifts your family up to God in the most difficult times of your life. She faithfully attends every church event. (She plans most of them, anyway.) You never see her without a smile on her face.

All the while her husband and family are prime targets of attack.

Beside every pastor is a woman willing to walk with him through the ups and downs that come with the profession. No other job relies so heavily on faith and offers so little worldly reward. Pastors are under scrutiny now more than ever. Because of this, the pastor’s wife carries a heavy load. So what can we do to ease her burden?

As the women of her congregation, we want to help. We may be tempted to send a quick text saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” But there is a better way to make sure we’re blessing our pastor’s wife and supporting her, as well as our pastor.

There are practical things we can do to assist our pastor’s wife today.

What can I do to help my pastor’s wife?

My husband and I served as interim pastors at various churches in times of transition. We also served as church planters.

We’ve seen the role of pastor and wife from both perspectives - as the church shepherds and as part of the congregation. We’ve understood the burden pastors feel for the well-being of their flock. So when we’re not serving in a pastoral role, we want to show our pastors and leaders in the church how much we appreciate the important work they do.

A Pastor’s Wife and Her Role in the Church

During my time as a pastor’s wife, many women blessed me with exactly what I needed to press on when all I wanted to do was give up. So many times I felt drained. Poured out until I had nothing left to give.

I wondered if my work mattered, and in the face of what seemed like constant opposition, I questioned my calling. Yet at just the right time, God sent someone to come alongside me and encourage me.

From those experiences, I learned how vital it is to stand beside our pastor’s wives, and how even the simplest act can be a huge encouragement to her. Here are 5 things your pastor’s wife needs from you right now. Prayerfully consider how you might follow these tips to help ease her burden today.

5 Ways to Bless Your Pastor’s Wife Today

“For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people and his incomparable great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:15-19 NIV

Pray for Her

Even though our intentions to pray for our pastor and his wife may be good, I am the first to admit falling short in my commitment to pray for them. Make no mistake, the pastor’s wife is an integral part of our church leadership, so we need to remember her in our daily prayers.

The pastor’s wife may remain silent most of the time, but consider the many people she ministers to each day. And she does it all with love.

We have no idea what the people in our church family may be going through, but she knows. The pastor’s wife intercedes in prayer for every single person in our church, including us. Let’s pray for wisdom and revelation on her behalf, as Paul says in verse 17. God will give her strength as we intercede for her in prayer.

(For helpful prayers, visit the free downloads page and see the resources available there. Enter your email here to gain access.)

2. Communicate Your Gratitude for All She Does

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you…”

Nothing says I appreciate you like a word of gratitude. Whether in person or in a hand-written note, a simple thank you will lift her spirit and offer an encouraging word when she needs it most.

I recall a time of discouragement in our ministry. All pastors face those times now and then. At just the right moment, I received a thank you card from a dear woman in our church. I will never forget her sincere gesture. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of a kind word.

3. Show Her Your Commitment to the Church

Your pastor’s wife may ask for a commitment from you to help or serve in a specific way. Can I share a secret with you? She usually hates to ask because she knows you are busy with your own work, family, and life. She wouldn’t ask without a lot of thought and prayerful consideration.

You can be honest with her (and yourself) about what you are able to do, but also be gentle. Consider her heart and her feelings while considering how you can help.

Pastor’s wives need us to serve. Let’s look for ways to help while remaining realistic with our commitments.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Take a Stand Against Criticism

Sometimes even those well-intentioned conversations can turn toxic.

We may mean well, but even a simple statement like, “I wish our church had this…” or, “If only our pastors would…” can lead to our sweet pastor’s wife feeling criticized.

When someone criticizes our pastor’s wife, it’s okay to speak out against the criticism. We don’t have to be harsh with our words to be firm in our commitment to support her ministry. We can simply and gracefully put an end to the conversation, then walk away.

5. Make Her a Simple Casserole, or Your Favorite Dish

This one’s my favorite, probably because cooking is not something I enjoy! I am thrilled when someone surprises me with a meal. Want to bless your pastor’s wife in a very tangible way right now? Cook a casserole and surprise her family with a yummy dinner.

You don’t have to be an amazing cook to bless the pastor’s family with a meal. A sweet friend from our church used to pick up a bucket of bar-b-que, a package of buns, and a bag of chips for us once in a while. What a treat that was! I didn’t have to cook, and I could enjoy time with my family. Food is a sure-fire way to show your love and concern for her.

We can rest assured that our pastor’s wife loves us more than we know. We shouldn’t feel overlooked or forgotten if she hasn’t talked to us in a while. We must remember how overwhelming her role can be.

Let’s commit today to lift her up, just as she does for us.

May these tips I’ve shared with you here inspire you to find other ways to support your pastor’s wife and her ministry within the church. Our efforts will make a difference in her life, her family, and our community.

Want to discover more truth from God’s Word through studying women in the Bible? Join the community and enjoy this beautiful free PDF graphic.

It’s a fun and easy way to take notes on all our teaching videos on my YouTube channel here.

My life hasn’t always been about good choices, all tied up into a neat little bow. For a time, good decisions seemed to fade into the background, pushed out by a more prominent desire to find myself in a world where that was the cool thing to do.

I found my worth through the world’s view.

Letting comparison cause me to doubt my worth.

Good choices came and went, but they were never quite able to pull me away from my all-about-me attitude. Then one day, someone invited me to church. That’s where I met Jesus.

I learned about how Jesus gave himself as a sacrifice so that I could have the chance to live with Him in heaven one day. And not only that, but also the abundant life God freely gives to those who know Him. That day, I made the best choice of all. I accepted Him.

Discovering the Source of Our Worth

You’d think such a stellar decision would set me on an easy path toward change. But I soon found that change could only come through hard places.

As much as I tried, I couldn’t get past the unworthiness I felt deep in my heart. Considering the way I’d lived, how could I truly be forgiven? What about my past mistakes?

I began to look at other faith-filled women with awe. Women who served our Savior with grace and poise. How beautiful they were! They all certainly deserved a place at the Master’s table. But me? Not so much. Instead of looking to them as mentors and choosing to learn from their example, I started to compare.

I measured my first days as a new Christian against their years of serving the Lord, and I didn’t measure up.

This struggle with comparison caused me to question my value. Yet God used it for my ultimate good by sending me on a remarkable journey to discover who He created me to be.

To find my true worth in my relationship with Jesus.

I didn’t realize how many times the voice of comparison had whispered into my life in that sneaky way it has. But as I learned to recognize its ways and stay alert to its dangers, a miracle happened. I began to uncover what God’s Word says about comparison and how I could conquer it once and for all.

What the Bible Says About Our Worth

“If you are content to simply be yourself, you will become more than yourself” (Luke 14:11 MSG).

This verse initiated a turning point in my life. I discovered even more deep truths in God’s Word about who he says we are, and how he feels about us. Through this key verse and others, God uncovered my own battle with comparison and how it led to feeling unworthy of his love.

And He will do the same for you, too.

Is It Possible to Conquer Comparison?

Conquering comparison is an ongoing challenge, but with Jesus the answer is yes, it is possible. Because I believe with all my heart that God’s love for us in infinite. He helps us let go of the not-so-wise choices of the past and embrace who we are in Christ today.

Oh, I haven’t arrived just yet. None of us have. But with encouragement and hope from God’s powerful Word, I am well on my way to being able to say, “I’m worthy,” and meaning it.

Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to silence the voice of comparison in your own life? It is, my friend, but I’m not going to sugar-coat the truth for you. It takes a commitment to more of God and His Word. The journey toward change may not be all pretty and perfect, but it will definitely be worth it.

Let’s make a choice today. Let’s dare not to compare, and find the truth about our worth. “We are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do the good works he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

Interested in learning more about overcoming comparison from the stories of three women in the Bible? You can find out more in my book Over It. Stop by and visit the book page here.